30 Day Count Down

30 days from today... I'll be a year older.

And my list, the whole reason for this blog... is miserably incomplete.

So now I'm trying to review and re-assess the list and determine what can realistically be completed by my birthday, and what I will need to do to half way feel successful. I spoke with a friend who came up with a list, and she gave me permission to extend my list until the end of the year. I agree!! I should... so there for I AM!!! :-)

And with that, I will more than likely change some things on the list that was kinda ridiculous in the first place.

Any ideas of what I should add? One thing will be finding a dayum job!! Being laid off again, I'm over this. I've actually had a couple of interviews, but nothing yet. I'm just happy there are positions open for things I'd want to do. But I need to get a call back and a start date.

With my birthday coming, I want to actually celebrate. Celebrating requires money. Money that unemployment is not going to cover. So let's have a Kumbaya moment & pray that one of these jobs be the job for me & I get called, interviewed, and hired.. OH!! and I like it :-)

As I'm thinking about getting older, I'm not upset that I'm having another birthday.... and I'm trying to not focus on what I've not "achieved," or don't have. I'm glad I have faith.. because without it.. I wouldn't have any hope. Obviously, things in my life are SSSOOOO different than what I thought they would be, but only God truly knows his plans for me.

So for the next 30 days... I got a lot to do. So keep me in your prayers <3

A Week Ago

Two week ago today time stood still for a moment.

I got news that a friend was shot and killed by her husband. WOW!!

A week ago, I traveled, reconnected with people, and said thank you to God for the blessing of my friend. We said good-bye to her.

Two weeks ago, two young children lost both of their parents.

A week ago, people that they'd never seen or heard of before, gathered around them to show those children love and concern for their future.

Today, we sit wondering, why? Why people can be so selfish, heartless and cold? We don't questions God, but question man.

Since 9-11, there has been a shift in how we treat each other. We don't speak to one another let a long look into each other's eyes. When people complain about today's "youth" and their behavior and lack of respect.. I think about the examples that are being set for them in and outside their homes. When the President, is cursed in-front of not just a room full of people.. but the world, how can we say we are surprised at the behaviors of others.

We can questions so much about life, but when it comes to the fundamentals of how we treat one another, how can we really say we are surprised?

I can count on my two hands how many friends I've lost since graduating from high school, and I still have fingers left (Thank God)... but the manner of loss is just blowing away. You never think that certain things that happen in the world, would ever touch your own life. But the world is a different place, that if "WE" don't step up to reclaim and reach back to "take back our territory", we will be truly lost, and always looking over our shoulder at those we should be able to trust.

So people... it's up to us. We are broken, but we are fixable... at least for now. What is the plan to fix it.

the best person

Funny when you are trying to talk yourself through.... or out of something... or into something.... the revelations you will have.

I've discovered that the best person to do many things to help and hurt yourself is yourself. My big discovery last night... That I am the best person to break my own heart.

I decided I would step back from a situation, but I keep showing up, and as time goes on, I can see myself getting pulled further and further in, and pulling the dirt down on top of me.

HOW DID I GET HERE?

The games people will play in relationships really astound me. We flirt, we share space, we have late night conversations, but we never speak what is hanging in the air. And then all of a sudden, there is a huge divide.

My crush has been a mystery since day one, and maybe that is why I'm sooooo intrigued. I've not been able to get to him. Otherwise, I truly can't figure out why I like him.

And now enter someone that is unavailable, and but the total opposite of my crush that is so open that it makes it easy to fall into place with him.

Neither are in places I need them to be, to want to be with them, but I feel myself falling in some way. So it's time to pick the pepper from the salt. It's time to view the negative (whether it be true or not). Do you think that will work? humph?

I was told I needed to open up. Well I have. And the one who was suppose to take advantage of the "space", hasn't, and others have. I feel like throwing the wall back up, because it is easier than running into a wall. I've been bruised and battered enough, so I think I'll just shut down where "he" is concerned. And though I know chances are slim. I'll always have hope, that he'll peek around, climb over, dig a trench underneath, or hell kick in that wall. But alas, I'm not holding my breath, but I am working on holding my own heart.

It's time to move on family