I've discovered that the best person to do many things to help and hurt yourself is yourself. My big discovery last night... That I am the best person to break my own heart.
I decided I would step back from a situation, but I keep showing up, and as time goes on, I can see myself getting pulled further and further in, and pulling the dirt down on top of me.
HOW DID I GET HERE?
The games people will play in relationships really astound me. We flirt, we share space, we have late night conversations, but we never speak what is hanging in the air. And then all of a sudden, there is a huge divide.
My crush has been a mystery since day one, and maybe that is why I'm sooooo intrigued. I've not been able to get to him. Otherwise, I truly can't figure out why I like him.
And now enter someone that is unavailable, and but the total opposite of my crush that is so open that it makes it easy to fall into place with him.
Neither are in places I need them to be, to want to be with them, but I feel myself falling in some way. So it's time to pick the pepper from the salt. It's time to view the negative (whether it be true or not). Do you think that will work? humph?
I was told I needed to open up. Well I have. And the one who was suppose to take advantage of the "space", hasn't, and others have. I feel like throwing the wall back up, because it is easier than running into a wall. I've been bruised and battered enough, so I think I'll just shut down where "he" is concerned. And though I know chances are slim. I'll always have hope, that he'll peek around, climb over, dig a trench underneath, or hell kick in that wall. But alas, I'm not holding my breath, but I am working on holding my own heart.
It's time to move on family
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