late but on time

UGH!!!
I'm tired.  I'm the person that has the best ideas.... but waits until the last minute to execute it.  I'm tired.

 I've been feeling since the first of the year, the need to purge.  I'm nesting to an extent for some strange reason, and I'm ready to make room for new.  I've even started looking for things for my "New" place... which will come once I get a job & save to move :-D

I've accepted that a move out of town/state, is more than likely to be in my future as my parents get older.  I've been on daughter duty a few times the last couple of week, and I don't worry, but it's kinda sad to watch my parents make decisions to live life a less and less because of the pains of time.

Then there is my friend.  Who wish I could just have a straight conversation with, but when I've tried in the past, it just seems to go up into the air, and falls to the floor like a lead balloon.  I can honestly say, that I've held back a lot of me from him, and limited how much of him I wanted to "let in."  I want a relationship, I'd be happy if it was with him, but when it comes to my deal breakers, I think no.  And after listening to someone make a point on some talk show, it made me really think.  "Just because he a good guy, does not mean he's the right guy."  So I'm JUST about ready, to let him go, and move on.  Wish it was easier, but I'm ok with a slow separation.  I just know that pretty much by the next time I blog, I will have had a talk, or I will have made a decision, with or without him.  And since he doesn't seem to truly express interest, taking things back & down a level shouldn't bother him.

The last 10 days have been days that have helped me to realize that I need to really get into my theme for the year which is "step-up or step-off."  I have to make the decision to let somethings and people go, so that I can create space for what is meant to be in the place it is holding.

But more importantly, I need to discern what it is I want for me.  I can only look to others for so much, and in the end, they can't do anything for me.  But God has a plan, and I'm going to release to let Him work things out.

LORD!!!!  I LOVE YOU.
BUT PLEASE!!! WORK THIS OUT NOW!!!! & NOT LATER.

More questions from Oprah

Well... Oprah's magazine has posted some more questions.
And since I'm to sleepy to think of anything original to type right now...
HERE WE GO!!! :-D

8 Questions to Ask Yourself This Year
You want change? Here's how to get it—in big, fat, meaningful ways—from a few of this year's freshest, wisest thinkers.By Leigh Newman

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Questions-to-Ask-Yourself-This-Year/1#ixzz2pgyJqvbs

1. What's the greatest risk?
The biggest risk is feeling alone, lost, no control, no possibilities, no hope, no love, no chances, no idea of the direction to turn.  For the most part I've repeated myself, but I end the end, it's about the hurt that comes
with all listed.  Hurt by others, hurt by myself.  I just want to be happy.

2. How often do I say what I know not to say?
This is an alllll the time thing.  Though some people see me as being straight and blunt...
That really only happens when I am done with a situation, that doesn't look as if it is going to change,
or I'm just ready to be done & fine with walking away.
Honestly, half of what I feel like saying, I don't.  I believe in picking and choosing my battles.  And
hurting people, is not worth the energy.

3. What is your view from the vacant chair?
Up until I was in my late teens/very early 20's, I imagined my life to be on schedule: college, teaching, married, kids.  Pretty much the "American Dream."  When I changed positions on the porch, my view
was pretty much the same thing, just a shift in time.  

4. Are you arguing against reality?
I'll admit it... Yes I am, on several fronts.
But sometimes we have to slowly move into reality, and not just dive in.
Everything is a process... some are slower than others.

5. Have I finally forgiven X or am I just pretending?
I have forgiven some people this year.  I've made the decision to let things lie where they are and to
move forward.  I recognize that I can't go back & change what may or may not have happened, but
things can move from where "we" are.
But there are some that I have let go of whatever hurt, and I've decide that I Can't have them in my
life... there really is no point.  The trust that I blindly placed with them, is never going to be able to
outrun the memories that they left me with.  I've forgiven, and gotten smarter, and respect me more.

6. Am I ready to be just another ordinary hero?
I think I want to appreciated more than loved.  I want to know that I am an example, and not just
a person people look at.  I'm ok with ordinary.

7. Am I making what I do known?
Simply put... NOPE!! lol
I've never been one to really say... I did this, or I did that.  Matter of fact, I'm bad at cataloging my
accomplishments.  I have to talk to family & friends to remind me of all the things that I've done.
They see me better than I see me.  I ignore me.  I gotta start being proud of me & loving me more.

8. What am I doing with my in-between time?
Sadly, I'm not really doing all I could with my in-between time, and mostly it's because I'm lazy.
But I'm done with excuses, and getting out the door.  I'm ready for a change, and the only way
to have that change happen, is for me to get outta my bed, and get things started and done.
Early to bed... Well... I'll work on rising early... lol

So those are my questions for the year.
I'll review them in 6mons... then 12.
As I try to set my goals (not my resolutions) for this year, including keeping this blog up.
So on the 6's, I'll be keeping this updated, hope you can keep up.

Cheers to a better year!!! Happy 2014!!!

I've not kept the blog up... So today, this moment, I'm starting with something that is guided by someone else... specifically ... Oprah!!! lol

Posted earlier this month on her website, was a list of 11 things that everyone woman should do write before the year's end....  Well here goes.. (I'm on the line)

1. What Younger You Would Like About Present You
My younger me, would like that I am interested in giving my time to the community, to build it up, and find ways to grow it.  And that I only want to help, the best way I know how, whether time, energy, or money... however I can give.  That I love to travel, and I've been to Africa twice, including living there for three months.  

2. The Watched/Read It List

The last movie I saw was Frozen, with Kym and Emily.

This week I will be reading  Supernatural Provision, and the Four Agreements.
I'm working to be more spiritually centered and God bound.

3. The Mistake You Never Want to Make

I will think, and not be ruled by fear.  I will not put all of my faith in "man," and remember 

that God, will always carry me, when I stop fighting Him, and let Him be.

4. Your Ideal Outfit

In a perfect world, I'd be wearing a long dolmen sleeve maxi dress with a straight skirt.  I'm not wearing it right now because 1.  I can't find the exact dress... & b. my body is not what I'd want it to be to wear the dress.  But by next New Year's!!! (if not before), I'll find the dress & I'll be wearing it!!!

5. A Deep, Dark—Shhh—Secret

We all have them... and I won't be posting this publicly, but my secret has taught me a lesson about love, and trust.

6. The Most Unexpected Compliment You Ever Got
Anytime my Step-dad tells me anything, that shows any pride in me.  We don't fight a lot, but we don't talk a lot either.  And as he gets older, and as his health becomes a challenge, I see him soften, he even kisses me on the cheek from time to time.

7. That One Quote

Right now... all I can say is "to thine on-self, be true."

But my own saying is... "No opinion solicited, none given."  Sometimes people just want you to listen, not talk.

8. The Best Surprise You've Ever Had

Having friends rent/borrow a car, to surprise me when I need to have hugs, and someone to wipe my tears.

9. Your True Happiness

My true happiness would be meeting, or realizing my husband.  Getting married, being able to afford a home on a piece of property, that would allow me the space to have my parents live "with" us.  To have kids, to watch them grow up into awesome God loving people, and live to see my grandchildren.
I'd like to be able to successfully publish books (especially children's), and start a non-profit that that gets people to open their mind.
To be able to travel, and have the things I want and need, when I want and need.
To live a long healthy life.

10. Your Favorite Failure

My best failure... if I am to call it that, is asking a man out, only to find out he's dating someone.  Having bad information, I went for it.  I still laugh at it.  I can say I've done it, at least once.

11. An Amendment to the Bucket List

I don't have a bucket list.  I've thought about it, but honestly, I look to the future to have my new experiences.  My dreams as far as I'm concerned is simple, and doable.  And I can't have a list, without my husband.

This is my list.  As I think about this year passed, I can think of a few things that stick out, good, bad, or indifferent, but I am not focused on the past... Because I'm soooo ready for my future.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!