less than

In less than 3 months, I'll be a year older. UGH!!! Can't say that I'm not ready. I'm just thinking how I am nowhere near where I thought I'd be.

I single, living at home, over weight, with a job that is just a job with no future, praying to have stronger faith that will help me to find peace where I am, and an energy to burst out. I never imagined life to be this way. I'm listening to those around me and their impressions of me, and looking at myself thinking who I am? Who I want to be? But mostly, who I am meant to be?

But I accept my responsibility for the things I've done in the past that may not have been perfect, but in the end they were my lessons to learn. Now I just want to build on my lessons.

Tonight before I go to bed, I'll start a list of all the things that I am thankful for. And I'll make a list of all the things that I want for my life. All that I believe that are possible right now.

I admit, I do wish life was easier. I wish there was someONE person walking this earth, that could tell me exactly what to do so that I can move in some direction in my life. I can't say that I'm spinning my wheels, I can't even say that I've even turned the key.

I guess that key needs to be to set my goals, aim high, and anything that the arrow lands on below, is just a stepping stone to where I need to be.

I'm always Praying for better.

Staying the Course

SSSoooooo...

I have a crush on someone. He's not my typical interest (not that I believe in types), but there is a pull there, despite differences.

BUT!!! and it's a big BUT!! I am feeling myself drawn to someone else at the same time. HE as well is not my typical, and matter of fact, I didn't even really think about him, UNTIL I started to get to know him. In conversation we've chatted and can laugh easily at the same things.
How in the hell did I end up like this?

The two are different and a like, but the differences are the question.

But does it really matter when one seems to be stuck on his "type," and the other has a girlfriend.

So... I'm scaling back, I'm staying low, and waiting. I'm to old for this cat and mouse shit. I'm tired just thinking about trying to wedge myself into something that may not be nothing. This whole dating thing is a serious BITCH!!

I've never dated. I've only had relationships. HOW DO PEOPLE DO THIS!!!?? People have tried to talk me into dating sites, but I just can't bring myself to it.

So someone advise me? Cause I'm not about to make any decisions... It's all about who steps up first.

Looks like I'm staying the course... waiting.

Continuing Education

So I’ve decided that I’m going back to school… YEAH ME!!!!

But Dayum… the process is annoying. You would think that as time goes and technology “improves,” things would be easier? Nope? Not at all.
Let’s start with the application process. Back in the day, the state of Florida, used paper. And in the process of using paper, you had one application for all state schools. Well since they’ve gone paperless, the application for each school is online. And when I say each school, I mean EACH school. The questions and process varies.

Why!? If I already have a degree, and a transcript with all the information, would I need to fill out my high school gpa, A.C.T. & S.A.T. scores, or any of that stuff that has long since been packed up & now cost money for me to recover.

So since it took me forever to decide on my major, and the process I would go back to receive it (I got caught up in the maze so my gpa sucks), and taking it lightly how long it would take to do the application, I’m not looking at starting school in the fall. So let’s pray that God has a plan for my now free summer. Maybe a new job with great benefits? Sounds good to me.

Why SO Dayum Hard...

So my list has pretty much been on pause for ... MONTHS!!!

I've easily completed some things, somethings are time consuming, and others are just stalled.

Two big things... dealing with men, have been a challenge. The kissing & the dates. Kissing could be done in one night at a club... which I will not do.... and then there is the dates. I decided to amend that challenge. Instead of 40 dates I'll go out with 20 guys 2 times. Easy?? Hell NO!!

What the hell is it with men? I've been trying to treat 3 "friends" for the last 5-6 months and it just does not happen. Mostly with their schedule, I can't figure out what the story is when I'm saying to them.... pick a day and time. I'm not trying to marry let alone date them, just hang out. I'm trying to treat them. How often does that happen?

So I'm about to cut that, and the kisses from my list. If they happen, they happen. But at this point, less than 4mons away, gotta move on.

Any suggestions on what to replace them with?