who to blame

I know that in my life I've made some bad choices...
But what in my life could have been so bad that I can't meet the 1 person that I like,

and just want.. but does get married.

I'm trying to not do it..

I'm trying to not blame God for the lack of "romance"/"Love" in my life. I'm soooo confused,

and so over trying to figure out what in the HELL it is I need to meet that 1 person, or to meet someone "available" for me to be able to learn what it is and how it is...

I'm just soooo tired. My HEART ACHES.. IT HURTS SOOOO MUCH!!! I don't know what to do. Starting to feel like I never have or ever will.

I'm ready to give up. And if there was ever away to walk away and not feel the pangs, of hurt and disappointment for the things that really matter to you? I think I'd be out the door.

Where I thought I had some answers... I'm even more confused. I just want to be done.

So this week, I call it over. I don't think I can take another step further. I feel so defeated. And I don't know why. I don't know why.

Being a single woman is hard. Being a single black woman that is over weight, almost feels impossable to change. But I watch these shows on tv, and then it gives me hope. I just want to put my wine glass down, then turn the trash can over.

If you are reading this, it's not just about one person, but all that sees my heart and wants to be in my bubble....

.

For the record... I'm not desperate!! At times I'm lonely, and frustrations roll in like storm clouds on a rainy day... but just as quick, they roll out. So don't take my rantings as being someone who is ready to slice her wrist... but I am ready for change in my life, and movement.

I'm ready to step out!!