I've been told, and I agree...
When I let "you" into my life, I welcome you with the expectations that you will stay forever!!
But the reality is, some people do come to stay while others make an exit, that don't always come with an explanation.
When I love... I love hard. I look forward to sharing experiences, the memories, the hopes, the joy, the prayers, the world with "you."
Every year for my birthday, I reflect and I let go. I accepted and I purge what seems to no longer require a place in my life. "Friends" that I continually initiate communication, connecting and hanging out, and just having a presence, I am sadden when their life seems to be moving, and I am not even a part of what is going on, I feel that I am not even a thought to your world in the presence, only a footnote in your past.
Some relationships I recognize I've sought them out because I of whatever it is I'm missing in my life. So when things go a certain way, I remind myself that I asked for this. That I have some responsibility for the things that are going on. So now I'm reflecting on how people treat me. The saying that keeps coming through my mind lately is "don't let someone treat you like an option, when you should be a priority."
I miss them sometimes to the point of my heart aches, I questions what happened, (or didn't happen), but then I go back to my life.
Because of you, my heart grew. You will always be in my heart, but I'm excited to let you go.
Me
Nice to meet you...
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Divorce
I am the product of a divorce.
In elementary school, there were so many kids in my class with divorced parents, that I was only of a few that had both parents still together. But time changed that. My parents were married until my Jr. High years. They had their issues, including money & fidelity being the biggest of them all and bringing it to an end.
When my parents split, I can't say I was surprised, but it was traumatizing, which is probably why I am almost 43, and not in a relationship that could lead to marriage right now.
I have a few friends that are in varying stages of divorce. It hurts me to hear them speak about their relationships coming to an end; but it hurts me more to hear the effects on their kids. What's interesting about the people in the relationships and their life's foundation makes it even more interesting.
1. Higher educated.
2. From 2 parent homes (married)
3. Good family support system.
As I listen to them, and have the urge to speak to them as a child of divorce, AND NO!!! I don't know everything, but I can speak to a place they've never experienced. I want to say to them... IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU!!! WATCH OVER YOUR CHILD!!! You've ripped your child's world a part, and now you are creating a divide because of "your" attitudes towards together.
As I think about what the kids are going through, and consider what the couple could be coping with, I think...at some point in time, someone has to step up, and take one for the team. "We all" can't be angry. Someone has to give in & bend so that the child is not feeling they are in a tornado, or have the ability to manipulate anyone to get what they want.
I want to tell them that your children will grow, and eventually, they will form their own opinion. An opinion that despite what is being told to them, what they see, what "you" show them, will be how they decide who "you" are to them, and what type of relationship they want. I want to tell them that... but I recognize that they have to be open and ready to hear it.
In elementary school, there were so many kids in my class with divorced parents, that I was only of a few that had both parents still together. But time changed that. My parents were married until my Jr. High years. They had their issues, including money & fidelity being the biggest of them all and bringing it to an end.
When my parents split, I can't say I was surprised, but it was traumatizing, which is probably why I am almost 43, and not in a relationship that could lead to marriage right now.
I have a few friends that are in varying stages of divorce. It hurts me to hear them speak about their relationships coming to an end; but it hurts me more to hear the effects on their kids. What's interesting about the people in the relationships and their life's foundation makes it even more interesting.
1. Higher educated.
2. From 2 parent homes (married)
3. Good family support system.
As I listen to them, and have the urge to speak to them as a child of divorce, AND NO!!! I don't know everything, but I can speak to a place they've never experienced. I want to say to them... IT AIN'T ABOUT YOU!!! WATCH OVER YOUR CHILD!!! You've ripped your child's world a part, and now you are creating a divide because of "your" attitudes towards together.
As I think about what the kids are going through, and consider what the couple could be coping with, I think...at some point in time, someone has to step up, and take one for the team. "We all" can't be angry. Someone has to give in & bend so that the child is not feeling they are in a tornado, or have the ability to manipulate anyone to get what they want.
I want to tell them that your children will grow, and eventually, they will form their own opinion. An opinion that despite what is being told to them, what they see, what "you" show them, will be how they decide who "you" are to them, and what type of relationship they want. I want to tell them that... but I recognize that they have to be open and ready to hear it.
Sunday, July 7, 2013
today....
I actually made an effort today to get things done. But in the end, I found out how far behind I am, and the ONLY thing to do is to keep going.
During my morning study, my mind was running crazy, with questions for myself and how I can be better at being me. Have you ever asked that question of yourself... How can I be better at being me?
So, I have a stack of books on the night stand. The goal is to read all of them by the end of the summer, but funny thing is, my stack keeps growing. (If I keep watching Oprah every Sunday morning, it will double).
Here is my list, in progress.
1. What Happens When Women Say Yes to God (Lysa TerKeurst)
2. Step Into Yourself (Ruth Edwards)
3. The Little Book on Meaning (Laura Berman Fortgang)
4. Who Do You Think You Are? (Mark Driscoll)
5. Lady In Waiting (Kendall & Jones)
6. Love & Respect for a Lifetime (Emerson Eggerichs)
7. 40 Day Soul Fast (Cindy Trimm)
8. Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren)
9. Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg)
10. A Return to Love (Mariann Williamson)
11. the Secret Language of Relationships (Golschnider & Elffers)
I've read #1, I'm reading #2. I will start #5, #7, and #8 soon.
The summer will be over soon, I'm ready to be in a different place.
Anyone wanna join me?? I could go for a reading partner or two.
During my morning study, my mind was running crazy, with questions for myself and how I can be better at being me. Have you ever asked that question of yourself... How can I be better at being me?
So, I have a stack of books on the night stand. The goal is to read all of them by the end of the summer, but funny thing is, my stack keeps growing. (If I keep watching Oprah every Sunday morning, it will double).
Here is my list, in progress.
1. What Happens When Women Say Yes to God (Lysa TerKeurst)
2. Step Into Yourself (Ruth Edwards)
3. The Little Book on Meaning (Laura Berman Fortgang)
4. Who Do You Think You Are? (Mark Driscoll)
5. Lady In Waiting (Kendall & Jones)
6. Love & Respect for a Lifetime (Emerson Eggerichs)
7. 40 Day Soul Fast (Cindy Trimm)
8. Purpose Driven Life (Rick Warren)
9. Lean In (Sheryl Sandberg)
10. A Return to Love (Mariann Williamson)
11. the Secret Language of Relationships (Golschnider & Elffers)
I've read #1, I'm reading #2. I will start #5, #7, and #8 soon.
The summer will be over soon, I'm ready to be in a different place.
Anyone wanna join me?? I could go for a reading partner or two.
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Time
So I'm sitting her not doing anything I really should be doing... like my homework... I have a thought... I trust that God will bless me with children one day... but the blessing of seeing grandchildren will be a big question?
43 is just days away. Still single. Living at home. In school. Unemployed. Well, I won't say that all of that is bad... because I should look for the silver lining. So with that said. God willing, I'll make it another year, and have a blessing that many have not had or will make the opportunity to do. Being single allows me to have new experiences and work on me being a better and more grounded me. Living at home, I only have my bills. In school, hopefully will take care of the unemployed part.
This summer I am house sitting. I'm overly blessed to have the friends I have, that trust me to care for their most precious possessions.
But anyway... I have a stack of books at the side of my bed. Books for fun, but mostly books to get me to think, hopefully focus, and get me in a better position for life. I'm ready for time to line itself up, so that I can move forward into my future, into my life. It's time to move.
43 is just days away. Still single. Living at home. In school. Unemployed. Well, I won't say that all of that is bad... because I should look for the silver lining. So with that said. God willing, I'll make it another year, and have a blessing that many have not had or will make the opportunity to do. Being single allows me to have new experiences and work on me being a better and more grounded me. Living at home, I only have my bills. In school, hopefully will take care of the unemployed part.
This summer I am house sitting. I'm overly blessed to have the friends I have, that trust me to care for their most precious possessions.
But anyway... I have a stack of books at the side of my bed. Books for fun, but mostly books to get me to think, hopefully focus, and get me in a better position for life. I'm ready for time to line itself up, so that I can move forward into my future, into my life. It's time to move.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Slacking
Ok... having the best of intentions does nothing when you don't just take any action. I've been slacking on this blog and EVERYTHING else for that matter!!! So it's time for me to change that completely around.
In just under 60 days, I'll be another year older. And in some ways I've made slides forward, steps forward, or maybe even standing in place for some things, but I DON'T feel like I've made any steps back.
When I first started this blog, it was to challenge myself to do things to celebrate my life in a variety of ways that in the end, I didn't push myself to get done. I'd still like to make those things happen, but I'm seriously in need to get focused so that I am able to TRULY not just move, but to leap and fly.
So!! I'm gonna do better. As I try to clear away the clutter to have a clearer path in life spiritually, relationally, and career wise. With the clarity of just one, I believe the others will fall into place. So let's wish me luck, as I try to jot something daily. Hopefully that alone will motivate me to actually do more than just cross things off my to-do list.
With that being said... If you find me slacking again???
Please hit me up!!! & Push me along!!!
:-)
In just under 60 days, I'll be another year older. And in some ways I've made slides forward, steps forward, or maybe even standing in place for some things, but I DON'T feel like I've made any steps back.
When I first started this blog, it was to challenge myself to do things to celebrate my life in a variety of ways that in the end, I didn't push myself to get done. I'd still like to make those things happen, but I'm seriously in need to get focused so that I am able to TRULY not just move, but to leap and fly.
So!! I'm gonna do better. As I try to clear away the clutter to have a clearer path in life spiritually, relationally, and career wise. With the clarity of just one, I believe the others will fall into place. So let's wish me luck, as I try to jot something daily. Hopefully that alone will motivate me to actually do more than just cross things off my to-do list.
With that being said... If you find me slacking again???
Please hit me up!!! & Push me along!!!
:-)
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